Daily random ramblings as I approach my 50th birthday next Monday.
In January of this year I had such a lofty vision of my ascendancy to the middle of my life’s first century on August 20, a vision constructed of three ambitious fitness goals.
— to walk a local annual 10K event in under 90 minutes
— to log 600 miles in treadmill workouts
— to lose a total of 25 pounds, returning myself to the healthy weight that bad eating habits and prolonged inactivity surrendered over the last couple of years
How’ve I done?
— I didn’t enter, let alone complete, the 10K event.
— Current estimates predict close to 560 treadmill miles by Monday, not 600.
— I’ll close my 40's some 5-8 pounds over the healthy weight goal.
Taken out of context, each of those results has merit. Separated from the ambitions they originally reflected, I could make a case that these months before the debut of the throwback dramatic series “BillColey Five-O” have been productive,
But such a case would of necessity rely on explanations and rationalizations. I’d have to explain the injuries that hampered my 10K training efforts, the same injuries that stole as many as a dozen days from my treadmill regimen. And I would have to remind you that the older we get the harder it is to lose weight, so coming up short on the weight loss isn’t such a surprise.
Given your personal experience, you might then accept, even relate to my explanations, but something about them would bother me. I think because over the last four or five years I have come to give high value to accountability, taking responsibility for personal actions and their consequences. At some point, accountable people need to stop explaining their failings and do something about them.
As I approach middle age (each of us is entitled to our own definition of when that epoch begins!) I look back with bemused chagrin upon my first five decades. I have developed and displayed remarkable dexterity when it comes to stepping away from full responsibility for my actions. I can tell you why my best efforts in and outside the church didn’t work, why they might not work the next time, and why, in the end, it won’t matter as long as I tried.
But something tells me, if God’s interaction with my life continues its current pattern, I won’t be able to tolerate the excuses very much longer — I will have to make changes. Which, I suppose, means I have something to look forward to in my life’s next fifty years... if nothing else, a 10K race in which I actually participate.
Leave a comment on how you handle/explain/defend your failings. . . or a note rationalizing why you didn’t.
See you tomorrow.
Pray with me:
God, every day brings us closer to you, if not spiritually, then hope-fully. May I accept your guidance, learn from your wisdom, and be an instrument of your grace. I don’t understand my life, but by your mercy, I don’t have to. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
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My gosh, Bill, if you're getting close to 50, then I must be too. And today, when I saw on the news something about the 30th anniversary of the death of The King of Rock 'n' Roll, I was reminded exactly where I was that day (a dorm room in Iowa City) and that reminder kicked me in the consciousness about my, how swiftly the time flies. So, it's important, I guess, not to let any more.
There was a time in my life many 24 hours ago when I was all about excuses ... I was even making up excuses for things that I didn't have to explain. It was not a time in my life that I am especially proud of, but one from which I have gain many valuable lessons as I have emerged from it.
Perhaps the most important lesson, at least for me, has been to look at my role in things. When someone makes me upset (and I wrote it that way on purpose) I have to step back and see what my role in that is. This is essential to my well being because I am convinced that I am the only thing I have any control over. And I can't even control all of me. I can't do anything about that fact that it was a lot easier to lose the first 25 pounds and not the last 10 I've been trying to lose for five years. I can't do anything at all about the fact that my teen-age daughter doesn't listen to me the way she once did. I can't do anything about the fact that my boss will not be satisfied until everything on my list of goals is accomplished (she is not a, "well, you got some of them done" sort of boss.) But what I can control is my own attitude. My outlook on life.
And it beings with being honest with myself. Oh, I can be a master justify-er. But does any of that really matter. Does God want me to go around pointing fingers? I don't think so. Instead, I think he wants me to learn things. Maybe in the weight loss equation there's a lesson about vanity. Maybe in the questions about my puncuality is a lesson about trying to do too much and setting my priorities. Maybe in the arguments with my daughter are the lessons about letting go. I need to look for the lessons, because I do believe that God is with me through it all and like the good father he is, he's always teaching.
Praise God.
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