I heard a law firm’s commercial on a Chicago radio station today. The firm’s toll-free number is anything but subtle: 1-***-Get-Split (the asterisks foreshadow the coming editorial).
The ad marketed a divorce lawyer, and began with a woman asking her lover about his plans to leave his wife.
“I thought you told me you were going to leave your wife....?" she asked, exasperation dripping from her voice.
“I would have,” replied the man, “but it’s so complicated to get a divorce these days.”
At the close of an announcer’s description of the virtues of the divorce lawyer offering his services came this heartfelt plea:
“Don’t spend another Valentine’s Day in an unhappy marriage. Call 1-***-Get Split.”
Everything about that ad bothered me. From its context to its conclusion, from its jingle to its view of justice, I held those 30 seconds in contempt.
It’s not that I am unsympathetic to people in difficult marriages. My goodness, as a divorcee myself, I am in no position to cast aspersions. It’s that the ad validates a commonly held dim view of our culture, a view I have not wanted to accept: that we have cheapened the institution of marriage, that we have made too accessible its escape hatches.
Digest a bit of the commercial’s context. First, there’s an extra-marital affair – never, not once ever, a good thing. Then there’s a cheating husband who relies on a tangled legal system to justify his ongoing sham of a marriage. And finally, there’s the toll free number the lawyer’s firm has chosen – “Get Split.” Get out!
Maybe it shouldn’t surprise us that half of all marriages end in divorce, when our culture tolerates marketing ploys such as this one. If we’re willing to lure customers through lurid dramatizations of dysfunctional relationships, if we’re willing to play to the base instincts of people in order to develop a customer base, my goodness, no wonder marriage is in such trouble.
By this column I mean no disrespect toward, no judgment on people who toil in broken marriages. I understand, I know first hand that divorce is sometimes the best choice among a sea of awful ones. But let’s support people through divorce, not glorify the outcome. Let’s encourage people in marriage, not simplify the dissolution of it. If people can’t or won’t make it through their conflicts, if the courthouse rather than the confessional is the final arbiter of a relational breakdown, so be it. But may it not be said of us that we made it worse, or that we helped people find the three digit extension in a phone number like “1-***-Get-Split.”
Pray with me:
God, all relationships of any depth are hard work. Whether family, or friend, or co-worker, every serious connection in our lives is a risk. Help me speak love and hope to people in wounded marriages. Help me offer support and encouragement to people working their way through or following divorce. Help me be an agent of reconciliation, first and foremost through the example of the way I handle my own relationships. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
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2 comments:
The problem here, I think, is that we're after the easy, quick fix. We don't want to wait, we don't want to work, we don't want to accept responsibility and we don't, of course, want to believe that God puts us in places and puts us through situations for our own
good.
Lord knows I've been in some tough spots -- including a bad marriage and a divorce -- but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
And if I could have called an 800 number and wished away (or paid away) all the tough times, I would have taken the easy way out.
In AA, we talk about trying to find an easier softer way, but we could not. It's tough sometimes. But God sees us through.
Thanks for your words and thoughts ... good stuff.
Is this what we were just talking about? Serendipty anyone?
(from Hazelden, a well known drug rehab program)
Today's thought from Hazelden is: Pray to God, row to shore. - Anonymous The sign in the antique store showed a fisherman in a rowboat being tossed about in a storm. The message was clear: the fisherman may have great faith, but now was not the time to put away the oars and kneel in prayer - it was time to pray and row!
Sometimes we find ourselves in a storm of trouble, a sea of problems, and we want God to get us out.
We may even pray, "God, get me out of this mess." But like the man in the rowboat, the way out is not just by praying to God. The way out is to pray, ask for help, and take action - do something to help ourselves. Praying to God won't keep us sober if we don't also go to Twelve Step meetings. Praying to God to heal our relationships with others won't help unless we're willing to make amends.
Health and recovery are a combination of prayer, communication with our Higher Power, and a commitment to do our part. Today help me to pray and take action.
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