It's Not Me!

An ESPN radio affiliate asked former NBA star Tim Hardaway for a response to current player John Amaechi’s coming out (acknowledging his homosexuality). Hardaway said,

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

The next day, pressured by media scrutiny and public scorn, Hardaway recanted this way:

"Yes, I regret it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said I hate gay people or anything like that. That was my mistake."

He was sorry he said it.
* He didn’t say he was sorry he felt it.
* He didn’t say he was sorry for being so intolerant and hostile.
He was sorry he said it.

Presumably, if he hadn’t said it, or perhaps had he said it in a smaller forum – perhaps to weekly newspaper, a radio station without consequential network connections, or just “the guys” at the gym – he wouldn’t have felt sorry. Or, if he had not said it at all – if he had said to the radio anchor, “I really don’t know enough about that situation to comment on it” – he also could have avoided the guilt.

But he said it. So, he was sorry.

Tim Hardaway is my new hero.


He replaces Mel Gibson, the movie mogul whose bigoted rant to a law enforcement officer during a traffic stop last year made headlines and led the “Passion” man into rehab. In a statement following his arrest, Gibson blamed the outburst on his alcohol addiction. Said Mel,

“I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested, and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable.”

So – again, presumably – had he not hit the sauce, had he driven past the bar or cast out the unopened bottles, he wouldn’t have said those nasty things, and would not have had to apologize...for the alcohol. After all, he says he didn’t believe the things he said. He just said them...because of the alcohol.

Hardaway’s and Gibson’s explanations reflect a dangerous sleight-of-words. The truth is each man harbors rage and hatred for particular pieces of the human family. Whether based on sexual orientation or ethnic/religious heritage, their venom is real. Hardaway distracts us from his by apologizing for speaking it (but not for owning it). Gibson hopes the “My name is Mel, and I’m an alcoholic,” line will prompt sympathy, not skepticism.

And it may work. As a culture we seem to appreciate, or at least enjoy, how our glitterati extract themselves from pitfalls and pratfalls. Maybe it’s because their failings help us feel better about ourselves. Maybe it’s because we’re genuinely a forgiving culture. The allure of those attempted resurrections doesn’t concern me, however, nearly as much as the phoniness of their cover stories.

Tim Hardaway should tomorrow speak on-air with the same radio host who received his anti-gay bashing. He should say something like,

“My words make obvious that there is something wrong with me. You don’t say that kind of garbage unless there’s something wrong with you. I just want you to know I am not going to stop until I find out what’s wrong with me. Until then, I apologize the John Amaechi, to the NBA, to the gay and lesbian community, and to everyone else I offended. I shouldn’t have said it, of course. But much more important, I refuse to harbor it.”

Mel Gibson should make an appointment with the same officer and dashboard camera to whom and on which he disbursed his hatred. He should say something like,

“The words I spoke to you were my words, not the alcohol’s. Yes, I was drunk. Yes, I am in recovery. But the words were mine. Drunk or not, you don’t say the kind of garbage I said unless there is something ELSE wrong with you. I am as determined to find out why I hate so much as I am to deal with my alcoholism. I apologize, not for being a drunk – that’s my personal burden – but for being a hateful drunk, which is my personal shame.”

Those are apologies I could accept...but won’t get.


Pray with me:
Help me take responsibility for my actions. Don’t let me excuse myself without owning myself. But then be sure to provide for my healing, too. Confession might be good for the soul, but it’s also quite painful. In the name of Jesus, Amen.